Where I'm Liberal

The other day my brother and I were talking on the phone, and I started talking about how uncomfortable I am even identifying with the not-so-grand not-so-old party. To illustrate, I tried to list those issues where I’m liberal. I mentioned my stances on war, gay rights, and drug rights, then my mind went blank. It was a little awkward, considering that I had just said that I am only conservative on 2 or 3 issues and that I’m radically liberal on everything else. So when I got back to my room I started writing up this list of issues where I’m liberal, and where I’m uber liberal. At the bottom of this list I give 3 positions that mark me as very conservative. This isn’t all of it, and these aren’t the defining principles of what I believe politically. But I just wanted to give a sketch of how many arms and legs I would need for the Twister game of Politics.

1. I oppose pretty much all wars.
2. The death penalty should be immediately, completely, and permanently abolished.
3. Abolish the draft. All of it.
4. People who grew up here shouldn’t be deported to a strange country.
5. Increase the number of workers visas to meet the demand. Don’t make them wait in line so long or pay such high fees that they would rather hire a coyote to sneak them across the desert to get in.
6. I’m very careful about where my chocolate comes from. I rarely buy any. Ever heard of chocolate slavery? It’s real.
7. The sovereign debt of 3rd world nations should be forgiven.
8. Factory farms should not be eligible for federal or state subsidies. In fact, not one bit of Big Ag should get subsidies (which means there shouldn’t be agricultural subsidies, since Big [fill in the blank] is what happens when you start subsidizing [fill in the blank]).
9. Animal welfare regulations are small steps forward.
10. I strive to abstain from consuming animal products. No sentient being exists for another’s pleasure.
11. Same-sex couples have just as much a right to marry as do opposite-sex couples.
12. Islam is just another theistic religion, and should be treated as such.
13. Students at public schools have the right to pray and conduct religious activities during lunch and before or after school. Not during class.
14. Reparations are due to the victims of the Rodney King riots, the victims of U.S. concentration camps, and American Indians.
15. Patent amounts to Peter getting forced to pay Paul for permission to use things that Peter invented himself.
16. “Neighborhood improvement” projects that involve eminent domain hurt the poor the most. It’s usually the dirt poor areas that get condemned, meaning that loads of renters for whom “just compensation” doesn’t mean much get thrown onto the street and have to find some other crowded neighborhood to squeeze in to.
17. The drinking age should be reduced to 18, probably lower.
18. I want all drugs legalized. Or at least legalize weed, acid, and coke.
19. I want prostitution legalized. Women shouldn’t be thrown in jail for trying to get by in a way that violates no one’s rights.
20. Pornographic material should be legal, and stay legal (except for crush, snuff, and film recordings of actual rapes, of which regulation or prohibition is understandable and excusable).
21. Bring back the topless coffee drive-thrus.
22. Only violent crimes should be punished with prison time.
23. I believe not just in a right to die, but also in a right to suicide. All of this is depends, of course, on whether the person consents to it.

The liberal stances I have which the “progressives” are often too wimpy to talk about:

24. There should be no licensing laws for beauticians.
25. I want moonshine whisky legalized.
26. I think children who are old enough to talk politics are old enough to vote.
27. Children who are old enough to sell cookies or clean up a senior citizen’s yard are old enough to get paid for their work.
28. Children have a right to free time safe from the encroachment of homework and chores.
29. The mutilation of the infant male’s genitals (aka “circumcision”), whether performed for mystical superstitious reasons or for vain aesthetic reasons, is a violent invasion of the child’s physical integrity, and should be abolished in all 50 states of the Union.
30. Children have a fundamental human right to unilaterally divorce their parents for any reason they fancy.
31. Screw marriage equality. Give us marriage freedom. Let’s recognize the legitimacy of poly-amorous unions. Better yet, get government completely out of the business of defining what a marriage is and what it’s not.
32. If a restaurant owner wants to allow people to smoke in his restaurant, people should be allowed to smoke in his restaurant.
33. The U.S. should get out of the UN, for the UN’s sake.
34. “Defense” spending should be cut by at least 80%.
35. Government subsidies for transportation contribute to environmentally- and economically- unsustainable development. Our governments should just stop repairing the roads and highways and then see what happens. (Maybe they already started that.)
36. Water should be sold at a graduated price that allows the “little guys” access to it, encourages conservation (and even savings), and takes into account how much water is being lost on the way to the tap. People in So-Cal should pay more than double the price that people close to the water sources in Nor-Cal pay.
37. African Americans probably deserve reparations too.
38. Urban tenants should probably be granted title to their flats.
39. People should be free to make residence in any house that has been unoccupied for a long time, and to plant or build on any lot that has been empty for a long time.
40. Everyone’s debt should probably be forgiven. Start over with an almost clean slate. If you’re a lender, sucks for you. At least you won’t owe any debts either.
41. Sick and tired of all the stupid Mexicans around you? Ever wonder whether they might learn better in their own language?
42. Stop putting poison in our water.
43. Young people should not be required by law to perform community service. Last I checked, involuntary servitude is still slavery.

Where I’m not liberal very much:

44. About 98% of abortions are murder.
45. Taxation is theft.
46. The disparity of power between an overbearing and intrusive government and its hapless subjects may be reduced with the widespread individual ownership of, open possession of, and familiarity with semi-automatic firearms; and restrictions on private ownership of lethal weapons only exacerbates that power disparity between institutions of violence and the individual.