Kafir Beard

I didn't want to post this on facebook, and I didn't want to make a video out of it, and I didn't want to post it on myspace either, so I'm posting this here. I apologize to those of you who were expecting to see some profound anarchist legal theory.

It is said that when Muhammad received visitors from some king from the east (maybe the Persian Emporer, who was Zoroastrian, or maybe some Hindu raja), he was disgusted at the shortness of their beards and the length of their mustaches. He cried out something like: "Why do you do that to your faces?" To which they said something like: "Our master commands us to grow out our mustaches and cut short our beards." The prophet's response was something like: "My Master commands me to grow out my beard and cut short my mustache!"

Besides our recent day of scribble protest (for which I made something that I hope was both unoffensive and indicative of an interest in and appreciation for Muslim heritage), I thought people can do some kinds of fashion protests that showed they are knowledgable of, tolerant of, and "disinclined to acquiesce" to radical Muslim aesthetics.

Enter the Kafir beard. In short, it's a stubble beard, with a walrus, bar handle, or Fu Man Chu mustache. Give yourself enough time next year to grow one out for May 20th. Those of you whose faces aren't as blessed as others' might have to start growing your mustaches out as early as New Year's, or even earlier. And, needless to say, not everyone will be able to engage in this kind of protest.

Now, there are a couple drawbacks to this. One is that probably very few people would notice it as a reversal of the fistlength Muslim beard. You would have to couple it with something else, like maybe a t-shirt or a pin button that has an arrow pointing up and the words "Kafir Beard".

The other drawback is that while a few loud and angry Muslims considered it obligatory for everyone to refrain from depicting Muhammad, and believed that it was anti-Islamic for anyone to even draw a picture of Muhammad in good fun, almost all Muslims recognize the beard as an obligation only for Muslim men. We haven't really heard of non-muslim American men getting death threats for shaving. Or at least, I haven't. Maybe some men in America have received such threats. But a backlash over non-Muslims shaving just isn't part of the image of a radical Muslim. Someone please correct me if it is.

But anyway, this beard is just an idea. I might try it myself, I don't know. I might have to invest in some mustache wax. And, if you do try this yourself, dear reader, do dress well while you're at it. You'll want to balance out all the negative energy attracted by bristles that remind haters of child rapists and what not.